Yet each man kills the thing he loves,
By each let this be heard,
Some do it with a bitter look,
Some with a flattering word,
The koward does it with a kiss,
The brave man with a sword!"
                     oscar wilde , the ballad of reading gaol

When was the last that I thought of you...I know not...but am I the one who goes alone on this path...and should I but care only a little for the souls that follow or those as march ahead?

Mode C is a way of life, perhaps my way of life: C for Cool, C for Cold, C for Chaos, C for Calvin. Ultimately, all of it boils down to the way you look at things. Are they not how they are but just how they appear?? No...and yes...Almost all the seriously critical fundamental concepts of life...aren't they just the bogies under Calvin's bed that he is afraid of? Miss Wormwood, Susie, Mom and Dad, and of course above all, Hobbes...aren't they all merely the means that he uses to attack these bogies?

Reflecting on 'living the Calvin way', I have started to believe that life and our reaction to it can only be explained by a number of Calvin and Hobbes strips combined together. The philosophy, as I like to call it, is to know that you are not alone. It is not just my perspective alone that is going to help me fight my bogies. I will be able to inch towards the Calvin way only when I perceive the other perspectives on my way.

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Tuesday, August 12, 2008
One more time

It is time to give it another shot, take another chance and this time, do it with some faith and belief in the possibility of it working out after all. I am off to Kerala (to Thodupuzha, a place about 60 kms off Cochin) for the treatment of my peroneal nerve, and I am off for a good 20 days (a source of some envy at office, I am sure). For those who have been coming to this space over the last year, they would be undoubtedly aware of my condition which I keep bringing out in each of my posts in one way or the other (not that I can't help it but somehow, it does come out, what with it enjoying some tremendous top of mind recall).

This treatment is a combination of the immensely popular oil massage therapy of Kerala and herbal and Ayurvedic medicines that have been part of almost all Indian treat-at-home prescriptions. With the pedigree well established, the only question remaining is if it will be good enough for my ailment which has been given up on by all and sundry medical practitioners so far. They all start out with the claim of solving this issue but that is only till the time the fees is paid. As soon as the proverbial signature is made, unwavering belief in the treatment's efficacy changes to an unexplained skepticism on life's uncertainties. From "this will definitely cure you" to "no one can guarantee anything" takes but just one signature and one swipe on the card machine.

All I am hoping this time is that things are not the same as they have been for the last one and a half years that I have been grappling with this problem. Well, grappling is perhaps not the right word because given the enormous amount of sadness in the world caused by enormous amount of problems, my sadness and my problem is not even a small fraction of the scary possibilities that are there. I have been able to stand on my feet, walk if not run, and overall carry myself pretty properly after all. The limp is all that remains and of course, the fear that if things do not improve, they may after all degrade to something much worse.

In fact, the reason why I am so worried about the alarming frequency with which the different forms of treatment are proving ineffective is only this. I am fine with things continuing the way they are, considering them parts of my destiny and learning to live with my condition in the best possible manner. What I think I can not handle, however, is if things get worse and the good fortune that I have been blessed with by The Almighty ceases to exist.

Here's to hope, and to Kerala!

Posted at 11:51 am by Nitai

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